Talk:My Zombie Story
My Zombie Story Review This creepypasta needs to be completely rewritten. I understand that this is incomplete and is probably far from being finished, but the story litterally makes no sense. If the story isn't fixed now, it's going to be a train wreck later on. Let's start with the introduction. The protagonist mentions a zombie outbreak in Miami and that there were a lot of rumors going around at school about it. If there there actually WAS a zombie outbreak, there would have been public announcements about it on the news, such as on television and the radio, warning everybody to take safety precautions immediately. People wouldn't just "shrug it off" and assume that something that actually happened was just a rumor. In fact, if the story was realistic, the school would have been closed. Now, to talk about March 16th, 2013, which I assume is day one of the creepypasta when the zombie outbreak begins for the protagonist. He mentions talking to a girl that he liked, but then it says (2 girls), so was he talking to one person or two people? Has the protagonist already met these girls before or was he talking to them for the first time? There's no background information on any of the characters, even just saying their names and their relation in regards to the main character would have been good enough. The story is also obviously written in favor of the protagonist, such as the scene where he conveniently encounters the same two girls he was talking to earlier when he opens the closet door, where they both proceed to hug him. There's also the fact that his other friend conveniently shows up with guns, claiming that he had brought them to school because he magically knew that something bad was going to happen on that exact day. Once all these characters meet up, they for some reason decide that it's a good idea to just all split up and head home for reasons that aren't even mentioned. Why were they meeting at the protagonist's house in particular and how come their parents aren't involved in the story? Wouldn't they be incredibly worried about their children if zombies were out and about consuming people? How old are these characters anyways? By the looks of it, I can only assume that these people are in middle school or maybe high school at the very most. Where did his friend even get the guns and how was he able to smuggle a bunch of them into the school without being caught or questioned about it? The main character also says that he lives 30 minutes away from his school, but tells everyone to meet him at his house in 20 minutes AFTER they stop at theirs. Bro, do you even math? That's physically impossible. This story just seems way too unrealistic and favors the main character way too much to even be enjoyable. You might as well just say that the main character has super powers, then saves the day and kisses a girl who he was madly in love with for the first time. The only way that the events in this story would even make some sense is if the zombie outbreak either started in the town the story takes place in or somewhere VERY closeby because otherwise, like I said before, precautions by the people and the government would have been taken, such as closing all schools and telling people to lock up theirs homes and stock up on supplies or just something, anything that would make sense. Shadowmere55 (talk) 04:16, May 24, 2013 (UTC)Shadowmere55 ^ This person nailed it days ago. Why you still askin'? Javer80 (talk) 00:11, May 31, 2013 (UTC)